Bathing a Cat by the Cloar Method

A Week Before the Bath: Purchase from your Vet (a) an appropriate shampoo (such as Mycodex SensiCare Flea & Tick Shampoo); (b) an antibacterial ophthalmic ointment (such as Vetropolycin), remembering that the worst part of a bath for a cat is getting soap in his eyes--in an emergency use Vaseline; (c) an antibiotic your Vet recommends, in case you misjudge the weather or your cat is prone to bronchitis; and (d) a hair ball medication (such as Laxatone), since fur will be looser after the bath. Remember, too, to check with your vet to make sure the cat is old enough, and weighs enough, to be treated with Flea & Tick shampoo.

An Hour Before the Bath: Make sure the cat is in the house, but does not have an inkling of your plans (harder than it sounds). Block all usual exits, so that he will not escape while collarless. Place a hard plastic 5 gallon mop bucket and a hard plastic child's tub into your bathtub (or two mop buckets side by side). Place a tablespoon of shampoo in the first, and fill both with warm water (like rainwater), letting the shampoo froth well. Place a couple of large, fluffy towels on the floor, and place another large, fluffy towel close by for the cat. Place a thin washcloth on the rim of the soapy mop bucket (so that you can find the washcloth once the cat is in) and float a quart-size cup or plastic bowl in the clear water of the other.

Five Minutes Before the Bath: Pick up the cat ("counting your lucky stars," as the old saying goes, if he's been napping and isn't quite alert yet). Proceed toward the bathroom, shutting the door behind you. Holding him firmly but gently, and whispering sweet nothings to keep him calm, remove his collar, and let him see himself in the mirror as you put a tiny dollop of ointment in each eye--the mirror will help your aim as well.

The Bath: Plunge the cat into the frothy suds, tail first, still holding him with one of your arms, allowing him to hold his head up as he places his front paws on the rim of the mop bucket. Caress his face and ears, one side at a time, with the thin washcloth. Then use both hands to rub suds into his fur. (You will be up to your elbows, literally, in suds.)

The Rinse: When his patience, or yours, is exhausted, lift him from the suds and plunge him into the rinse water, quickly dousing him all over with the help of the plastic cup. Then let go, and let him jump out of the tub himself.

The Dry: Quickly fling a towel over him and grab him up in your arms, talking softly and letting him see himself in the mirror again as you replace his collar. Then open the door and allow him to escape into the house--and outside, if safe, where bright sunshine can complete the drying process. In winter time, a plastic laundry basket can be placed over him as you blow a hair dryer toward him.

Note: In multi-cat households, resist the urge to save shampoo by using the same shampoo suds and rinse water for the next cat. Though both may look pristine, the scents that accompany each cat are individual, and one cat may be mortified to be bathed in the same suds as another. Start completely over for the next cat, and remember, "He will thank you later."

Medical Note: We first began bathing our cats after having read an article on allergies in U.S. News & World Report circa 1986. In it, an allergist from West Virginia reported that if an owner bathed a cat once a month in any shampoo approved by a Vet, after three to eight months the cat would stop producing the chemical which makes people allergic. We don't bathe our cats that often--it's mostly three or four times a year with us--but they do seem non-allergenic now, except, of course, for when they've walked through poison ivy and oak at the edge of our woods.